Saturday, March 17, 2012

The 4th milestone

Two weeks this coming Monday, I turn 30. Now if life had gone to plan (according to 18 year old me), I'd be a window dresser for Selfridges, Oxford St. I'd have gotten married at 26 and be considering, or have started a family.
I'd have gone to Cardiff's University of Music and Arts, done Set Design. Maybe met the guy of my dreams, some pretentious public school guy with an edge, as he's seen the real world. He'd be opinionated and overly intelligent, well read and been classically trained on an instrument. We'd have an uber cool flat somewhere, I'm not sure what he'd do as a job, probably something edgy and arty. We'd be that couple everyone hates, as everything is always peachy and fab.
I'd be the gorky, slightly awkward, laid back female friend, the accepting of everything, chilled friend always ready with support, laughter and a bottle of wine.

In reality, I didn't go to college, I applied, in fact I applied to circus college instead of one of my chosen universities. I wanted to be a child for one more summer, which I was. I moved in to my friend's family home for a fortnight, we hung out and partied for most of the summer, it was awesome. I worked at Waitrose and had a laugh. After a year and a half, I left and got a fantastic job, where I stayed for 9 years. During this time, I worked at The Zodiac nightclub, which opened up the rest of my life. I met some of my best friends through this, worked at a couple of awesome pubs (even though I thought I was done with pouring pints after The Zodiac), have 1000 amazing memories from this time. It was like having a double life, working at the office in the day time and having a great time in Oxford by night

The way I see my life, is via these milestones:
At 15 I knocked on my new neighbour's door to welcome them to the village, I remember it, as it was halloween. I got a babysitting job due to that. I ended up babysitting for their friends. Meanwhile, I went to college to due Graphic Design, due to some software at school suggesting it, and I had no ideas. For two years I did graphic design, still life drawing and photography. At the end of that, I got to have an incredible last summer holiday. I got a stop gap job at Waitrose.  I went through a horrid experience at Waitrose that caused me to leave, I bumped in to one of the ladies I babysat for in the village shop, the day I handed my notice in. I informed her of my leaving Waitrose and got offered an interview for my job of 9 years. Due to that job, I went to work at The Zodiac. I met some of the greatest people known to man. I moved out of my parents and in with three of my now best friends. I then moved from there in with two the best male friends/housemates anyone could ask for. I worked at a couple of pubs and got some more awesome friends in my life. And now, I live with my boyfriend, who I'd never have met unless those situations had occurred.

I'm not saying he's the one, or my life is now 100% complete. I've stopped making those sorts of plans, or grand gestures, and even after two years together, I still check myself every time I speak about "our" future, I catch myself tentatively suggesting the future, not sure why "tentatively", I think it's more a learnt pattern, knowing that regardless of all plans and choices you make, you can count on nothing in particular. You can hope it comes to fruition but placing all your hopes and dreams on it, makes you question life more than it's worth.

I'm not saying, I don't plan, I'm purely saying that I don't worry when I reach a milestone and I haven't got where I'd hoped I'd be at that age, when I was younger. It's not worth it.

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